Finally living life on her own terms.
Jen Phelps and I are on the phone. We scheduled a follow-up call after our 3-mile walk in the blazing heat just the day before. We’d met at a park along the Potomac River just outside of Washington D.C. to walk, talk and figure out life. At one point, we lost our trail, which landed us in thick, tall weeds that must have been teeming with ticks and mosquitos.
We emerged unscathed, although slightly itchy. Our walk had come to an end, but she agreed to an interview with Bari Life & Style if I promised never to lead the way again!
The story of how Jen Phelps blossomed into a healthy, hiking, chronic condition managing, super patient might sound miraculous to some. She mirrors the struggle of so many overweight women who are battling personal health issues on multiple fronts.
Jen had Roux-en-Y (RNY) Gastric Bypass surgery at the age of 44. “The best thing,” she says, “is that I’m able to say ‘yes’ when someone asks me to do something physical.”
After years of discomfort, isolation, and dieting extremes, with the help of a caring medical team, self-advocacy, and a life-changing surgery, she is finally living life on her own terms.
Bari L&S: Can you think of a few words that define your Bariatric Style?
Jen: One word is purposeful. I measure stuff (laughs). Really, everything I do is purposeful. I choose what my body, mind, and spirit need. Even my “fun” activities are thoughtful, purposeful, and measured.
Another word would be ‘freedom.’ I feel a freedom that I haven’t experienced before because now there are things that I don’t have to think about; I can just do them. Although, there are other things I have to think about now…. So maybe ‘balanced’ would be a better word. I have replaced certain things with others to put my health first.
Bari L&S: Do you feel like a new person, a different person, or how would you describe the post-bariatric Jen?
“Honestly, being one of the normal people is a little jarring. Now I don’t have to hide.”
Jen: I feel like I am living in a completely different body, as a completely different person. My values are the same, but before surgery, I lived like an outcast. Now I blend in rather than stand out. I lost weight and now I am just another person in the crowd. I don't stick out like a sore thumb. Honestly, being one of the “normal” people is a little jarring. Now I don’t have to hide.
I think there was a part of me that thought I would stand out differently – in a good way – after surgery. Maybe part of me actually hoped I would stand out more, but instead, I look just like everyone else on the trail, at the gym, or at a social event. I say this because just blending in is a weird thing. Getting used to not being self-conscious is a whole mental challenge of its own. Before surgery, it was tied to feeling inadequate or unattractive because of the weight, but after surgery, when the weight was gone, I started questioning other parts of myself.
It was a surprise to find that the external validation I had expected after losing weight, still wasn’t there, at least not in the way I had wanted it to be. It took time to realize that no one would be able to give me the validation I needed except for myself. Validation is about what’s happening on the inside. If you aren’t happy, weight loss surgery will not suddenly change how you feel or shine a spotlight on you. Being happy is really about how you feel about yourself, not how someone else makes you feel. Losing weight or changing your body will never be enough; you have to search for that happiness from within.
Bari L&S: What does a day-in-the-life of Jen look like now, 3 years post-op?
“I still use supplements and rely on a lot of repeat meals or ready-to-go stuff because I don’t love spending a ton of time in the kitchen.”
Jen: A Day-in-the-life is all about quality sleep, fluids, vitamins, and a lot of movement. I can’t sit still anymore. I eat balanced, healthy meals to fuel my body to get through the day. These are my cornerstones. I don’t even get out of bed in the morning before drinking 32 oz of water. I take a calcium chew and drink that water before my feet hit the floor. I know the day might get crazy, and if I wait, I might not get started in time to space things out the way I need to in order to get all of my fluids and vitamins in before bed.
I do have one good-sized cup of regular coffee per day, but that’s it. I’ve never been able to do much caffeine, but one cup early on is just fine. I measure two tablespoons of half and half and use Splenda as my preferred calorie-free sweetener. After that, I have instant decaf coffee with a scoop of grass-fed, organic collagen powder, and a scoop and a half of chocolate protein powder to make a mocha. I have never been a big breakfast eater, so that’s it until around 11 am. Then, I usually have a protein bar next, followed by my first exercise session which is usually a 4-mile outdoor walk on weekdays or a 1-hour elliptical session on the weekends. I work from home, so that gives me a lot of flexibility, for which I’m extremely grateful.
Then I have my second 32 oz bottle of water, usually with a sugar-free electrolyte water enhancer added to it, and my first “meal” of the day is a big bowl of fat-free Greek yogurt with a scoop and a half of vanilla protein powder in it. I usually add 5 oz of berries to that and eat 24 raw almonds. This is usually around 2 pm. Most of my eating is done later in the day when I have more of an appetite.
I do a second workout in the late afternoon which is either a walk or a weightlifting session. If I lift, I usually make myself a 32 oz bottle of protein water for after, or I’ll have plain water while I’m working out and drink a pre-made protein shake afterward. It’s not unusual for me to get 15 to 20,000 steps a day on non-weightlifting days and 96 oz of water per day not including other fluids, like my coffee or protein mocha.
My next meal is dinner. This is always a lean protein plus veggies. I aim to keep my macros around 50% protein, 25% healthy carbs, 25% healthy fat per day. I can only eat about 3 oz of whole protein at a time, but I can usually eat 5 oz of veggies and an ounce or 2 of healthy fat in with that as long as I pause after I’ve consumed my protein. I always do a nighttime snack as well, which is usually a protein bar or protein ice cream. Even when I’m at home I rely on a lot of repeat meals or ready-to-go stuff because I don’t love spending a ton of time in the kitchen.
I take a bariatric multivitamin with iron in it 2x a day, along with vitamin D, a separate vitamin A, and extra B12 which I take just 3x a week. I also take the calcium chews I mentioned 3x a day. I take the first multivitamin with my yogurt at lunch and the second at dinner. I always make sure to space my calcium chews out at least two hours apart and take vitamin A with food that includes healthy fat for better absorption.
My routine, as I mentioned, is to front load water early in the day so that I am done before dinner. I still don’t drink and eat at the same time, and I’m still religious about waiting 30 minutes between drinking water and eating food. I still weigh anything that’s not premeasured, too. Honestly, I don’t do very much social eating because my schedule and routine are so important to me, but I do leave enough flexibility to enjoy a meal out every now and again. I’ll even have a few French fries, a couple of bites of ice cream or even a couple of pieces of thin-crust pizza from time to time. I think foods like these should still be enjoyed, but I don’t eat them very much because I do find it can be a very slippery slope. I’ve seen others experience it, and I’ve certainly felt the “processed food pull” pretty strongly myself. I don’t ever want to go back there again, so I’ve promised myself to remain vigilant.
Bari L&S: Do you have any “non-negotiables” in your life?
Jen: Vitamins, water, good food choices, and quality sleep to fuel my active lifestyle. I try to not let myself get overly hungry, and I am determined to keep my Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome (POTS) under control. Doing that depends on making good food choices and refusing to live a sedentary lifestyle.
Bari L&S: What things do you practice regularly that help you maintain your weight?
Jen: Mindfulness, for sure. I use mindfulness to determine why I’m doing the things I’m doing all of the time. I ask myself “why” when I’m hungry, for example, so that I don’t eat out of boredom or “just for fun” anymore.
Also, I really keep up with my medical team. This includes regular check-ups and lab work, but also personal training and physical therapy sessions which are especially important to me. I have hypermobile joints, which we see a lot in POTS patients, and I developed osteoarthritis much earlier than I should have. I’ve been bone-on-bone in my knees and low back, for example, since my late 30s.
Bari L&S: What have been the biggest lifestyle obstacles you’ve faced over the past 3 years?
“ “I was just not prepared to be told that I needed to gain weight...”
Jen: I’ve faced a lot of medical conditions unrelated to bariatric surgery that impact my ability to be active. The biggest one is POTS, followed by my hypermobile joints, which are related. It’s an ongoing challenge and an extra chronic condition to manage.
The other obstacle was, surprisingly, finding a way to stop losing weight. I never expected to find myself underweight. It wasn’t by a lot, but it was enough that my nutritionist was concerned. At one point I had to work on gaining weight back, and then faced the scary fact that I can still gain weight very quickly. It screwed with my head, to be completely honest. I was just not prepared to be told that I needed to gain weight, and to do so, I had to cut back on exercise and eat more processed, calorie-dense foods because I couldn’t gain weight on all of the real, healthy food I was eating, no matter how much I consumed. Then, once I reached a stable weight, reigning the unhealthy food back in again was very difficult. There’s a reason our brains become wired the way they do and the whole process was both eye-opening and really frightening.
Bari L&S: Were there any big surprises that you encountered after weight loss surgery?
Jen: Loose skin. I wasn’t entirely surprised, but I didn’t expect it where I had it. I carried my weight pretty evenly, so I lost everywhere, which meant loose skin everywhere, even in the cricks of my elbows. I primarily think of it as a badge of my journey, but it can be troubling too. I've worked so hard and have come so far. Now I do mental gymnastics around the question, “Do I or don’t I have plastic surgery?” The reality is that I might have plastic surgery and still be unhappy. The scaring, financial considerations, and possible new medical issues might not be worth it. It’s a lot of mental work thinking about it all, which is a whole separate, unexpected part of my journey. Luckily, I don’t suffer from body dysmorphia. I can see that I’m a small person now, but I can also see that my breasts are a foot lower than they should be! I work out, so I see the incredible muscle I’ve built in my biceps and triceps, but I also see the loose skin hanging down below them.
The other surprise is how shocking it is when people don’t recognize me. I had surgery and lost all of my weight during COVID, so no one in the office knew what I had done or saw the progression. When I go into the office now, it feels awkward. People genuinely don’t recognize me. As a result of the surgery, my hair became very thin and I lost a decent amount of it. But when it grew back in, it came back wavy, and it had always been stick straight. It got to the point that I actually had to have the photo on my work ID badge redone for security purposes. And I’ll be honest, I don’t love having to explain the whole story to people. Many folks treat you differently and they can’t stop looking at you like you’re a museum exhibit. I think it’s difficult for them to make the connection sometimes.
Bari L&S: What is the best change that you have experienced since losing the extra weight?
Jen: There are two things: I went from not being able to shop in a normal clothing store to being able to shop everywhere, and of course the drastic improvement in my physical abilities. I am hiking everywhere I can, including one of my favorite places, the UK. I’ve become an avid weightlifter; I go kayaking and even did some rock climbing because I enjoy pushing my limits and challenging myself. The best change by far is being able to say “YES!” when someone asks me to do something physical.
Bari L&S: Thank you so much for your time and honesty Jen and congratulations on your incredible success. You are an inspiration to the Bari Life & Style community.
Stats
Age at Time of Surgery: 44
Type of Surgery: Roux-en-Y Gastric Bypass
Pre-Surgery Weight: 258 lbs
Stable Weight: 115 lbs
Follow Jen on Instagram @jenphelps1994
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