5 Steps to Making it Feel Like Home
Do you ever wake up and question, “What was I thinking?” Having bariatric surgery probably sounded like the solution you’d been waiting for, but it’s not easy street. If you are like other patients that I've talked to, some days might feel like you moved to a foreign country - and didn’t bring a map.
A bariatric patient and friend recently confided in me about her post-bariatric life and how overwhelming it still feels 4 years later. She’s not the only one who feels this way. I connect with hundreds of bariatric patients every week as a support group moderator, and I can assure you, it’s not uncommon to hear patients say they’re struggling.
That might mean that they are struggling with their weight, but it often means they are struggling to be a happy healthy bariatric patient, years beyond their surgery.
People who have lost large amounts of weight, have usually done it more than once, and almost always say that maintaining their new weight is harder than losing it. Sure, losing weight is extremely hard work, but the weight loss phase is temporary – maintenance is forever.
One thing that I have learned from listening carefully to patients’ stories is that in many cases, weight regain is a symptom, not the root of their struggle. If you have been through this, you know the frustration and desperation that comes with weight regain; to work so hard for something and then feel it slip away.
While multiple, complex, biological reasons contribute to weight regain, sometimes the answer is not that complex. Sometimes people just get tired of being a bariatric patient.
Imagine this, someone offers you a plane ticket and the chance to move to Paris. It sounds exciting at first, like the opportunity of a lifetime. The excitement carries you through those first several months or years while you are exploring a new place, sampling new food, and trying to learn how to communicate with the locals.
Eventually, the newness wears off and you start to feel less enchanted by your new surroundings. Maybe the traffic starts to drive you crazy or the local accent that was once music to your ears now sounds like nails on a chalkboard. You miss your mom’s cooking, your friends, and everything that feels natural and easy. The bottom line is, you’re homesick.
From what I have seen, it seems to me that sometimes, bariatric patients also experience homesickness.
Having bariatric surgery IS like moving to a foreign country, but it’s not a temporary move. If you buy a plane ticket home, you’re probably going back to a world that doesn’t support your new healthy weight.
Despite working tirelessly to achieve a healthy weight, some patients struggle to find their comfort zone in the new “healthy weight” world and it’s exhausting to live in a way that feels unnatural. The exhaustion and discomfort might lead patients back to their old routines, and ultimately, regain weight.
Whether the goal is weight loss or running a marathon, people are often willing to accept a certain amount of discomfort to achieve a goal in the short term, but being uncomfortable forever is, well, just uncomfortable.
So, what is the answer? Can people find a comfortable place post-bariatric surgery, that feels natural, like home?
Yes, they can! The good news is that many patients find their comfort zone and live happily in a new healthy world post-bariatric surgery. Adapting to long-term change happens with preparation, acceptance, connection, experimentation, and evolution.
First and foremost, be patient. If you’ve spent the first 20 to 40 years of your life living one way, you can expect some challenges when adapting to your new life. It’s important to ask yourself, “Am I willing to live in the new world?”
If the answer is “yes,” then here is how to start building it.
Take the time to imagine what each of these “healthy world” elements might look like if they support your healthy lifestyle. Your home, friendships, family life, work environment, hobbies, and social life might need tweaking. And remember, just because you are ready for the new world, doesn’t mean your whole network is ready too.
Step 1: Preparation – Study the language and read the map.
Like moving to a foreign country, embarking on a health journey is a transformative endeavor that requires thoughtful planning before diving in. It's important to reflect on your motivations, create a roadmap for success, and visualize your healthy new life.
Being prepared for bariatric life means having a clear understanding of your nutrition goals and other medical considerations. You should build a team of healthcare professionals that you can rely on; a doctor, dietitian, psychologist, physical therapist, and personal trainer can give you personalized guidance based on your individual needs and limitations.
Remember that a health journey is a marathon, not a sprint, and the effort you invest in preparation will set the stage for a sustainable and rewarding transformation.
Step 2: Acceptance – Embrace your new surroundings
Embracing a new healthy lifestyle goes beyond the weight loss itself, it requires a deep sense of self-acceptance and a shift in mindset around your entire lifestyle.
A mindset of acceptance acknowledges the big picture of managing a chronic disease. It includes setting realistic expectations for a healthy, happy outcome and letting go of things that aren’t serving your health.
Ultimately, acceptance of your new healthy lifestyle is a powerful cornerstone that reinforces your commitment and propels you toward lasting well-being.
Step 3: Connection – Mingle with the locals
Surround yourself with a support network of friends, family, or even online communities that share your goals, provide encouragement, accountability, and a sense of camaraderie. Let them be your inspiration when you need it.
Engaging with like-minded people will help you stay focused on your goals and build the determination to overcome challenges when they arise. Having a community is comforting when life feels tough. They understand, better than anyone, and can surround you with the love and reassurance you need to keep you on your path to better health.
Step 4: Experimentation – Get out of your comfort zone and try new things
Every individual's journey is unique, and what works for one person might not work for another. You’ll have to experiment, try new things, and be open to advice and suggestions from your team.
Change is a gradual process, and setbacks are natural. Practice self-compassion and start to recognize setbacks as prompts for tweaking your routine or trying something new. You should also be willing to try things again. Maybe you didn’t enjoy yoga two years ago or with one particular instructor, but you might enjoy it the second or third time you try.
Step 5: Evolution – Build something that feels like home
Embrace the journey! The process of learning and adapting can be exciting if you allow it to be. Give yourself the space to evolve and grow into a healthier, happier version of yourself. Focus on your progress and the positive changes that you notice while you are building a lifestyle that works for you.
Remind yourself that adopting a healthy lifestyle is not about perfection but rather about consistency and continuous improvement over a lifetime.
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